Saturday, 11 May 2013

5734

I feel naked. I feel exposed. I feel like I'm somewhere between free and imprisoned. I feel like people are hearing to what I have to say, but they're not actually listening. They look at me, in the eye even, and yet its like they don't really see me. I feel somewhere between good and bad. Lost maybe. Like I have questions that I don't even know, but seeking for an answer. I feel distanced, unreachable. I need a hand to pull me out from this abyss. I feel like my life is dull. Like I know there is tomorrow, but its just 'tomorrow'. Nothing beneficial will come from it. And even if it does, the feeling of excitement is not as thrilling as I recall it to be.

I see people living their lives with their happy faces. Fake, real, but happy. And I also see those who 'refuse to live in the fakeness world and portray everything that they feel, obviously' too obvious maybe. That I find that to be just a bunch of attention seekers. They don't have a family member or a close friend having cancer, they didn't recently met death, they didn't saw a naked murderer in session, they're just depressed, with their family problems, lover problems, bla bla bla. Like we all don't. Pathetic, get a grip. That's life. But then again, at least they feel something. Strong. I feel nothing. Empty. Like I don't want to talk to people. Even friends from school. Not even with family members. Maybe there are two or three lucky people who's not on that list. I have them and they're fine to talk to. But, still. Like, I'm maybe just a fragment. An entity. A moving body. But that's all.

What is this? This emptiness? Feels like shit. Or even worse. What is this

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