Us

Our conversation seem poor. We're talking but I feel awkward. I don't know if she's going through the same vibe and feeling as I am, but to me its just not comfortable.

When we were together, things were pretty vile weird. We're laughing and smiling but in the pool they're glued together, going through each edges together, while I'm alone, swimming back and forth, pretending not to care, when the truth is, seeing them like, kind of ignoring me, kills me. How can we be in the same pool, the three of us and yet I am left alone with disclosure?

While I breathe through the depressing moment, I tried hard not to burst into tears or shout at them in rage and cause a much worse after feeling, but this? What I alone am going through now is nothing better. I'm not happy, I feel so many regrets, I feel mad when images of us at the pool pops into my head and I'd just think, hey maybe cause they haven't seen each other so long. But still?

What should I do? Problems that I always share with no one else but them, is no use to them now. I can't say anything to them. The fear that the blame may end up being me and the confusing issues of self confidence I face now keeps pressuring me to sit silent. I can't say anything. No I can't. And here I am, texting with one of them, trying my best to make things seem right cause I really don't want the opposite. The best memories ever? Who am I kidding, it was fun, but it ended heart crushing. And what's worse is, when we all together, its like I'm not even in need to be there. Like they're okay even if I'm not there. What question me is, if maybe this happen because of what happened that night with the guy, or is it just truth finally showing itself to me?

I don't know. And though it kills me, I still don't want to know